Blog

By the end of 2020, I was reading Brené Brown's book, "The Gifts of Imperfection". It was packed with valuable insights but one particular idea struck a deep chord within myself. That was the concept of delaying happiness while waiting for a better tomorrow. I knew I have been doing this for a long time, especially through college. Sadly, this somewhat limited my college experience. I have ruined a lot of moments for myself because I was focusing on what's missing rather than the abundance of what's already there. It isn't just me though. Many of us postpone their happiness until they finally reach a certain career milestone, be in a relationship, have a perfect body, or in our case, leave our home country, Egypt.

The problem with that line of thinking is that it disallows you the enjoyment of your day-to-day life and might make you miss out on some potentially great life experiences just because you are waiting for the "right" time to attempt doing them. When you go through today consumed by the idea of a better tomorrow, you miss out on an already sweet present. I know this might sound cliché and repetitive but the days you miss, you're not getting back. I won't get to be a twenty-something college student ever again and neither will you. And I get it, sometimes grim life incidents happen like losing loved ones and relationships breaking down and it becomes almost impossible keeping a positive outlook, but I'm talking about consistently deferring happiness until a later "magical" time.

What to do about it?

I'm going to be brutally honest. Reading this article or a dozen books on the topic will not instantly change how you think. Heck, I was aware I was viewing the world from a very bleak lens and I kept doing it anyway. That's because such a mindset is, in most cases, intertwined with deeper internal issues such as being dissatisfied with who you are and where you stand in life at the moment. Maybe you don't even know which direction you want to take. That is completely normal in itself but is ultimately preventing you from "fully" living life right now.

It makes sense to solve the core issues holding us back first, but there are a number of things that personally helped me derive more enjoyment out of my daily life throughout the process.

1. Internalizing the concept that joy is about the small moments of happiness taking place in our most ordinary days. As simple as it sounds, this concept has been truly life changing for me. It made me realize that regardless of where I am in my career, how much I earn, or where I am living, my feeling of joy would still be mostly dependent on what I do and experience in my day-to-day existence. So it's not about achieving things per se but rather how I'm going to experience the journey to reach them. It became clear that, to me, joy is simply the laughter-filled time I spend with my friends cracking horrendously inappropriate jokes, the cup of coffee I make myself in the morning, and that tranquil time I spend reading on my Kindle while sipping on some 3arosa tea. This simple shift in mindset was like seeing the world through a slightly brighter lens.

2. Stop with the "I will do X later" mentality. Do it now. So you have a lot of places on your travel bucket list? Maybe some of them are in Egypt. Well, I'm sure you can arrange a 3-day getaway, pack your things up and go. Not the next year, not when you have saved 10K, not after you get promoted. Now. I know very well it's easier said than done, but it is possible. I'm not saying that you should leave everything behind and just go, which is irresponsible. I'm talking about stuff that you can actually arrange without dire negative consequences. We often discourage ourselves from taking serious steps to avoid that initial discomfort that comes along with planning stuff and going for it. After all, some things won't just fall into your lap.

   Of course, some stuff is much easier to plan for than others. Just deliberately giving yourself an hour or two every once in a while to watch a movie while enjoying a guilt-free McDonald's meal, (if that's your thing) can go a long way to make you feel happy right NOW.

3. Making the most out of non-fun stuff. So you have exams coming up next week? There is nothing you can do but sit and study for hours on end each day. What you can do is make the process as fun as possible (or at least not painfully boring). Small things like decluttering your study space, studying outdoors, or just having a hot cup of coffee beside you can make the process more entertaining. Let's be honest, some stuff is never going to be enjoyable, but there are always things that you can do to make the process less boring and monotonous.

Take away:

I have a number of plans that, if successful, might completely shift how I live but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy throughout the journey of pursuing them. Internalizing the above-mentioned concepts have led to a true change of how I think about my future, deal with people, and navigate my everyday life. For example, I found myself enjoying my outings with friends more and have noticed a difference in the quality of time I spend with my family, especially the time I spend with my dear mom. It has become much more valuable, enjoyable, and I've started to cherish it more than I did before.

To be completely honest though, I can't say I'm now totally resilient to the "I will be happy later" mentality. Every once in a while, life happens and I fall prey into the negative patterns of delaying happiness to a later time. However, I try to be mindful of how I'm feeling and prevent it from becoming the norm once again.

I would like to end this article with a popular saying that sums its essence:

"الكنز فى الرحلة مش فى الوصول"